Hokum scrotum: Weiner’s defense

By Cristina DC Pastor

Possibly, for the first time in the history of sex scandals, a person is denying the body part was his.

In the parade of salacious shenanigans we have witnessed in the past, the person usually denies the act (“I did not have sex with that woman”), the outcome (“I know that it’s not possible that this child could be mine because of the timing of events”) or the location (“I don’t cruise, and I don’t go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn’t do it in Boise, Idaho!”).

With a photograph of Rep. Anthony Weiner’s alleged bulging manhood finding its way into the Twitter mailbox of a Seattle student, and the congressman from New York not quite sure that it’s his, I suggest he heed his friend Jon Stewart’s advice: “Why don’t you just check inside your pants.”

Weiner’s defense has gotten weirder with each passing day. First, he blamed the feed on a “hacker,” then said it might have come from a “prankster.” Pressed by journalists to at least confirm if the crotch was, indeed, his, Weiner’s response — “Doesn’t look familiar to me” – cracked up a blogger, who jested that maybe the Photoshop added two more inches?

Obviously, Weiner has forgotten the first rule of thumb on Wall Street. To allay anxieties in the market, remove any kind of uncertainty. He ended up fanning the flames when he told MSNBC’s Luke Russert: “I can’t say with certitude” that he was the man in the snapshot.

Weiner’s dilemma appears to be more complicated than most politicians who have traveled this road before.

If he admitted to sexting the Seattle woman, it would logically lead to the conclusion that the crotch shot was his. It would call into question the state of his marriage to Washington insider Huma Abedin, an aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. It’s a marriage that is not quite one year yet and is widely speculated, as a result of this scandal, to be still fledgling and on shaky ground. The two had a beautiful interfaith wedding in July; Weiner is Jewish and his bride is Moslem.

“I hope my marriage survives our first anniversary,” Weiner expressed to CNN’s Wolf Blitzer.

If he admitted to owning the equipment in Exhibit A but not sending it to the Seattle student, what business would a politician have keeping a jpeg of his privates? Ok, it’s not anyone’s business what Weiner keeps in his yfrog (a Twitter app) files, but with tons of legislative bills needing prompt attention, you have to wonder how he found the time to lock the door, unzip, point and shoot?

“There are – I have photographs,” Weiner further told Russert. “I don’t know what photographs are out there in the world of me. I don’t know what things have been manipulated and doctored.”

Wait, is he saying there’s more? Is there a Boxer Briefs Edition series 1 to 12?

As a blog editor, I play around with photos a great deal, crop them, resize, and adjust color. If you’ve done any of these, or all, you will still be able to remember the basic image that you started with. That will not fade from memory.

Russert himself said that: “But Congressman, you would remember if you were to take a photograph of yourself like that.” Weiner said it may have been a case of someone attempting to spoof him or make fun of him. That’s why he’s called for an Internet security firm to investigate.

Let’s stay with his logic for now. What if the investigation shows it was a prank or a hack job? They will have to go look for a fall guy or gal and dig deep into the motive. And if it wasn’t a prank or a spoof? Will that finally prompt a public confession?

I think the tussle is finding a storyline that is easy for the public to swallow and digest and won’t make Weiner look too bad. Not sure they can find a happy compromise.

Boxers or briefs?

Cristina DC Pastor is the founding editor of The FilAm.



One Comment

  1. Kirstin Nevaeh wrote:

    Now, that’s thinking out of the box.

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