The Pilipina’s infatuation with the White Man


By A. Mabini

I shake my head often when I’m walking with my girlfriend at Union Square. After bumping into another Asian woman holding hands with a white man, I turn to her and say, “EC babe.”

It is silly to go around the truths about this topic. Jealousy is one of the bases of my frustration, and since it is without a doubt in the forefront of your imaginations, it will be addressed first.

I am jealous at the white man getting “default points” just because they are white. Some people will call this discrimination on the part of the Pilipina; I call it bullshit. Looking back at the history of human equality, countless people have made arduous strides that included sacrificing a lifetime or even their own lives just so people can be seen equally and if judged, be judged not on their physical appearances but on the merit and character of the individual. All of that is simply thrown away when a Pilipina would not even consider dating a Pilipino simply because they restrict themselves to white men. It’s just not right.

Discrimination is a manifest of ignorance. I was in a FilAm literature class at Hunter College where a Pilipina proclaimed that she “likes white men better because they tend to look better than Pilipinos.” I was appalled, I stood up and expressed my disappointment. I walked out of class primarily because the rest of the Pilipino men in my class had no quarrel about what was just said. Right before I walked out, the professor exclaimed, “Everyone’s got a right to his or her opinion!” I simply replied, “Granted, but just because the Ku Klux Klan think they have the God-given right to kill black men does not make it all right.”

I’m just warming up.

I do not doubt that there are interracial couples that have started out of pure love and remain out of pure love. I am a fan of sincere and genuine love regardless of the other variables in a relationship. I know a few, and I hope I will not offend them with this piece. This is directed to the ones who partner themselves with white men with the intention of finding a ticket to the in-crowd. I dare say, these women are caught up with the thought of having a multi-racial baby, and with that I mean a baby that appears white with a hint of Pilipino on the side. You know who you are, and you are what I refer to as “EC” or Ethnic Cleansing Pilipinas.

Let it sit for a second, try to subside your immediate reaction of anger and with all your will, try to understand my point.

I claim that there is something profoundly wrong with intentionally rigging – or genetically modifying — your offspring to appear more white than your ethnic origin. I propose the simple question of, why? What makes white babies more appealing than Pilipino babies? This is pure ignorance. Ignorance by my definition is the manifestation of one’s dependence on what is projected in the media and simultaneously the failure of independent thought and the lack of faith in destiny and the lack of faith in the underdog.

Needless to say, being a minority is being an underdog by default. More often than not, the Pilipinas I am referring to, have the innocent belief that the whiter their children, the less struggle they may face. Point in fact however is that multi-racial individuals I have noticed experience an additional undue burden of finding his or her ethnic identity between two often conflicting identities. This then leads us to what is fundamentally wrong with parenting for some folks. I have noticed that not too many parents understand that the difficult work it takes for their children to survive difficult experiences or struggles becomes the foundation of their character. It is these individuals who experienced unpleasant beginnings in life that more often than not create a meaningful life and some are destined to change or at least make an impact on his or her generation. Think for a second of all the great men in history and their beginnings. Yes, there are anomalies, as it is true in life.

But here’s the rebuttal that I face that made me blush the first time it was suggested to me. While in Cebu a couple of years ago, I got into a deep and honest dialogue with a beautiful young Pilipina who I noticed was with an unattractive, elderly white man. No, there was no love in the air, it was a business partnership, or at least that’s what she admitted. On my high horse and slightly inebriated, I approached her when her partner left her for a moment. I began to ask her what to me were obvious questions, but I’m sure to her were obnoxious questions, but nevertheless she stood her ground and answered me truthfully. She said, it was easy for me to ask these critical questions because my family did not rely on me to make difficult business-like, self-sacrificing decisions. She confessed that like everyone else, she is a sucker for love and that “love has become only for the privileged or the ill-advised poor individuals.” I was embarrassed, and needless to say, it was a humbling experience.

I thought long and hard, and my dialogue with that beautiful Visayan Pilipina made me realize that the problem lies in the Philippine government.

Tragically, there is a lack, or rather, a need to promote the Pilipino in his own land. Pilipinos are naturally infatuated with the concept of becoming white. Point in fact are the Pilipinos in the islands who have used whitening creams and have shied away from the sun just so they can maintain a lighter complexion. Interestingly enough, white people spend an ample amount of money in tanning salons so that they can have our complexion; I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side. I also believe that the body politic is responsible for creating a self-sustaining financial atmosphere that at the very least should not indirectly force young Pilipinas to make these difficult business mergers.

Ultimately however, it is within us as a people to promote our identity so that future generations will become a lot more comfortable of it than we have been and hopefully love will be found not on the basis of discrimination but on the chemistry of love’s awkward dance.

Send comments to A. Mabini at em.palatulan@gmail.com.

PS – Writing this, and making this opinion public was a difficult decision. This opinion is mine solely, and I apologize to my girlfriend who I may have embarrassed with this article. She has a kind of heart, and in the last 11 years I have not witnessed any hate from her, except maybe the one for her boyfriend that I’m slowly but surely building. Ultimately, I wrote this for love and for this necessary dialogue to begin.

Please contribute your thoughts. We need them.



44 Comments

  1. Brian wrote:

    I commend you for standing up for Filipino identity and pride. I am a Filipino myself and have lived in the Philippines my whole life (and would chose to remain so even though half my family is already living in the US). I do agree that it most deplorable for a Filipina to think that a white man is the only type worth marrying and to judge the quality of a man only by the color of his skin. I also find it very sad that some women are forced to marry foreigners not out of love but out of necessity – and low self-esteem (though I also find FRUSTRATING that some women do so not out of necessity but out of desire for luxury).

    However, I would like to posit a different possible perspective to this phenomenon (other than downright racism or economic necessity). For lack of a better word, I’d say genetics is another factor. We are genetically hardwired to be attracted to certain qualities. I think the reason Filipinos find fair skin attractive is that it is a relatively rare quality (the same with Caucasians finding tanned skin attractive and being envious of the Filipino’s naturally perfect tan). We are hardwired to seek variety in our gene pool. I find Filipinas extremely attractive and I have felt heartache for quite a number of them. But I won’t deny that seeing a Caucasian woman here in the Philippines won’t make me turn my head. The fair skin and blond hair strike me first before I bring myself to objectively gauge her physical beauty on other factors. I’d say it was wrong of your Filipina classmate to say what she said in the way that she did, but you can’t blame her for honestly finding Caucasians more attractive. We can’t dictate her taste in men. Also, according to studies, the human race is unique in regard that while other species place high regard on the physical attractiveness of the male (male peacocks being flashier than female peacocks, lion’s have manes, roosters look better than hens, etc.), we place a high regard on the females’ physical attractiveness while women look for status, wealth, age, strength, and other alpha male qualities (a man’s physical characteristics, while also a factor to a woman, rank below the other factors). So regardless of race, it is still quite common to see a hot woman with a not-so-hot (maybe downright “ugly”) guy.

    Anyway, to summarize, no government action or propaganda can dictate anyone’s taste in men/women. There’s no dictating a person’s type. It is very possible that a lot of interracial couples are not about “whitening” or “coloring’ a baby, but simply because one found the other appealing. Again, like you, I condemn the choice of partner based on racism or economic stability. But I think there could be something else to the story. :)

  2. A.Mabini wrote:

    Hey B! Great comment man, however i have a difficult time agreeing with you with the genetics explanation. i think this issue is solely based on a people’s mentality molded by the obvious, media and environment. I think the government is responsible to sustain (at the very least) its people’s identity and if need be, promote its identity. i believe that if the government successfully goes on a campaign, the atmosphere will change, and pride and dignity will prevent our people from easily trading their identity for popularity or perhaps even convenience. I’m sure you already know a good number of Pilipinos over there that takes a lot of pride in being Pilipino, including yourself. Now imagine if the government actively goes on a campaign to create more of your mentality- how well does that imagination go? : )

    Thanks for contributing brother.

    • Brian wrote:

      True, the government, being of the people, by the people, and for the people, should naturally promote the cultural identity of the people (although in these progressive, multi-cultural times it is often difficult to pinpoint exactly what is and isn’t Filipino culture). I am a patriot by I am cautious of both pessimism (for lack of a better word for the view of people who actively hate their own country and look down on everything about their own culture) and ultranationalism where the government would go so far as to alter history books and paint ourselves as a people with no faults and nothing but great qualities (and thus no room for improvement).

      Physical characteristics are secondary for women when it comes to mate selection. An ugly man wearing a suit and an expression that says “I will conquer the world.” is more attractive to a woman than an incredibly handsome man wearing a bellboy uniform and an expression that says “Let me take your bags.” I actually wrote a thesis related to this…haha. While I agree with your view, I am simply pointing out that it’s possible for Filipinas to be attracted to a Caucasian male for simpler reasons than racism, economic gain, or media influence. Surely not ALL interracial couples are predicated on such deplorably devious factors, right?

      Also, if we are to truly live in a “colorblind” world free of racial prejudice, I’d like to think it shouldn’t matter to anyone if a couple is interracial or not and we should accept such an occurrence as an everyday thing. Frankly, I’d like to see more films where an interracial couple is portrayed as normal – as in their relationship is neither the focus of the film nor does it serve any plot point whatsoever but just IS.

  3. A.Mabini wrote:

    Great analogies B. Yeah I certainly don’t think this criticism is applicable to all inter-racial couples, although I do believe the majority falls on this category.

    Hey man, I’m heading back in January, if you’re somewhere in the islands let me know, i’d like to meet and just hang. I’ll be there for awhile so I definitely need some good friends over there. Message me brother, palatulan@gmail.com. If not, this was good. Thanks again!

  4. Theo F. wrote:

    The whole time I read this, I kept thinking of the intro to Brown Skin Lady by Black Star.

    Anyway…

    Man, I don’t have the answer, but I wanted to throw my two cents in. I think we just live in a society where ‘whiteness’ is glorified, and I believe that’s part of the reason Pilipina women are infatuated with men/vice-versa (I know a fair amount of Pilipino men who exclusively date white). If you flip through non-American channels and see the TV programs of different cultures – Pilipino, Mexican, Korean, Brazilian, Indian – whatever, it’s always the actors/actresses with the lighter complexions in the spotlight. When young girls are growing up, I don’t think they search for the Asian or the African Barbie doll to play with. And how many TV shows do boys watch where the main character is non-white? Coming from a country that’s 90% Catholic – many Pilipinos even worship a white-washed Jesus. These are just minuscule examples.

    But ultimately, the superpowers get to dictate which of those products get into the people’s hands, so from birth – even if you’re from some country a million miles away from America, the most prized possession is a product from America – like a little piece of the American dream, which happens to be painted white.

  5. A.Mabini wrote:

    Theo ! What’s up brother. Thanks for reading this piece man. Yeah it’s definitely the general atmosphere of life, “white is right.” I think it’s silly to deny this fact. My hopes lie on offsetting this terrible injustice of a perspective. I believe the Pilipino government is responsible at the very least in promoting the Pilipino, whether by encouraging the entertainment industry to cast darker Pilipinos/Pilipinas in certain critical (non-comical) roles or by perhaps mandating schools to devote 15 minutes per day/week to an event that will blatantly promote Pilipino identity, or even add additional taxes to whitening products like new york city and their campaign against tobacco/cigarettes. and I know i’m going to sound silly brother, but I believe the powers do not ultimately rely on the superpowers, rather the determination of devoted and passionate individuals. We just need to keep believing that we can change things T.

    Hope Chi-town’s chill ain’t kicking your ass amigo. See you soon man.

  6. Brian wrote:

    I can understand taxing tobacco and alcohol, but why on earth should the government tax whitening products?

    The “blatant” promotion of ones culture is a tricky thing…I mean, how can one really pinpoint (much less dictate) what is or isn’t Filipino? I remember taking Values Education classes back in high school where we were being quizzed on nationalism and stuff. There was a questionnaire that asked questions like: “Which do you prefer? apples or mangoes? Goya (local brand) chocolate or Hershey’s chocolate? The “CORRECT” answers were “mangoes” and “Goya chocolate”. I happened to like apples better and appreciated the superior quality of Hershey’s chocolate…would that make me any less Filipino? Again, we can do things to promote our culture and identity, but ultimately, we can’t dictate people’s tastes. No offense, sorry to say this, but when I read “blatantly promote Pilipino identity” the first thing to flash to mind was the indoctrination done in North Korea and the former Soviet Union…

    But yes, I do wholeheartedly agree in casting beautiful, darker-skinned actresses in lead, protagonist roles in TV in film.

  7. A.Mabini wrote:

    Hey B,

    I think the word “blatant” may have captured and ran wild with your imagination. Obviously, it was not intended to give you comparable thoughts of communist-like practices or worse, actions commonly related to dictatorial states. In fact, I referred it to NYC’s blatant campaign to discourage people from smoking by adding an additional tax to cigarettes. If you can understand the concept of a state going an extra step, albeit an uncommon possibly awkward step to prevent or the very least discourage the people from something that the legislators agree is not conducive to the growth of the community (i.e. taxing the cigarettes), then i don’t think it should be too difficult to understand the point I’m trying to make about taxing whitening products, that’s if you agree with me that the majority of our people’s desire to unnaturally whiten their skin is not conducive to the growth of our people.

    This may have been just a misunderstanding but I don’t want you to maintain an impression of me as an irrational radical. I look forward to hearing back from you brochacho. : )

    • Brian wrote:

      Cigarettes are a clear health risk. They have scientifically and incontrovertibly been proven to damage health and shorten lives. Unless it’s an electronic cigarette where you inhale and release a harmless vapor, any conventional cigarette can and will, without exemption, mess up one’s health significantly and irreversibly. They are also addictive. I think the health risks are even part of their appeal cause it adds an element of danger to it. Cigarettes are, by principle, bad for people. They’re something that should be banned outright were it not for the strength of public demand and its hold on popular culture.

      Whitening products, on the other hand, are nowhere in the same league as cigarettes when it comes to being a health risk. While it’s true that some products contain certain harmful chemicals, others are toxic-free and even beneficial to the health of one’s skin (stuff about exfoliating agents, antioxidants, and blocking harmful UV rays). Some whitening products are even necessary for the treatment of certain skin disorders. To put a “sin tax” on these products is rather out of place…

      Also, another reason people find fair skin attractive is because it is indicative of ones social class. Traditionally, people who have blue collar jobs and do manual labor outside or in the fields under the blistering sun have darker complexions while people with white collar jobs and a more comfortable upbringing stay indoors most of the time and thus have fairer complexions. Since status is a basis of attraction, people find fair skin – being indicative of a more affluent lifestyle – more attractive (yes, elitism is more of a problem here than racism). I believe this is why people, especially those of lower socioeconomic status, would buy and use whitening products. Putting a tax on whitening products would make them more expensive…which would lead to only the rich being able to afford them, which would make fair skin even more of a social status.

      Another point I want to make is that not all Filipinos have dark complexions. My family has a skin complexion that is fairer than average and we are as Filipino as anybody else here. There are now quite a number of Filipinos with naturally fairer skin (especially those of Spanish descent). To create a belief that white skin (or whiter than average) is un-Filipino would be very unfair (pardon the pun).

      I say let the Filipinos whiten their skin if they want and let the Caucasians tan theirs and let’s all just meet in the middle. :) (is there any social controversy about Caucasians going to tanning salons?)

      • A.Mabini wrote:

        Hey B! I’m really impressed by your logic although I have to say I’m still in disagreement. I suppose by numbers, you are correct when you state that the dangers of whitening products are nowhere near the dangers of cigarettes but when you consider the intangibles, i.e. the psychological inferiority complex, along with the subsequent life decisions and etcetera that comes along with a low self-esteem simply because they were born dark and that there is no reinforcement that dark is beautiful, then you’re argument amigo is debatable.

        You are absolutely right about your latter point, that white is attractive because of its social implications. Wouldn’t you agree with me that instead of simply allowing dark skin Pilipinos to buy whitening products so that they can appease their natural insecurities (for lack of a better term), that the government ought to encourage them to instead tackle these insecurities in a different manner. For example, instead of becoming whiter, they ought to spend the time, energy and money to become an advocate for social-economic change in the Philippines. Obviously, this is totally ideal but my point is, there is a need for change and I am not willing to sit idly by and just let things happen the way they do. At the very least I will try.

        * I didn’t have time to edit the tone of this reply brother so I hope I do not come off too strong. As always, I appreciate your input.

  8. M. Gonzales wrote:

    1. Everyone has a right to their opinion as far as what’s physically attractive. The only way that white men would not be seen as the aesthetic ideal is if minority men are seen as their equals from a desirability standpoint. One (very long-run) way to do that is for minority men to be less ethno-centric in who they choose to date and ultimately marry. This way, minority men are seen as desirable by a broader base. After all, isn’t that what white men did? The problem that creates though, is that you’re having to choose between ethnic cleansing/diversification vs. the preservation of a cultural identity, but mostly because western culture typically supersedes any culture that attempts to assimilate with it – it is the dominant culture in America, at least right now.

    2. Great points about women marrying American men to gain entry to this country. But to clarify, while they are “marrying for money”, it’s more of a matter of being able to come to America and get a job to send money home. They are not gold-diggers. And, you’re right, it is very appropriate to blame this on the lack of a robust Philippine economy.

    3. How about the parents? I’ve heard of Filipino parents that outwardly encourage their daughters to date white men, or at least parents that don’t directly or indirectly instill cultural pride. My parents encouraged their children to find someone good, hopefully Catholic, hopefully Filipino/a – in that order. That opinion was communicated and expressed in a non-racist, racially-proud manner.

    4. OK this next one might be inflammatory, but the author’s courage in writing this piece inspires me to express this opinion. I sometimes hear that Filipinas date white men because they are more accomplished. Then I see some Filipinas end up with white men that are objectively LOSERS. Not sure if there is an overlap here – are the women that want to date on average a man (white) better than another man (a Filipino) the same women that end up with these LOSERS? Putting that aside, I’m calling out my Filipino brothers – we just haven’t held up our end of the bargain. When I ask my white, non-white and Filipino friends what do they perceive about young, Fil-Am males in the US, here’s what I get: either (1) we ghetto as hell or (2) we are passive as professionals, content with simply having a job versus nurturing a career. First point speaks for itself, but on the second point: we are middle management, not executives – we are nurse, but not doctors – we are risk averse, not risk takers – we might work hard, but we rarely work smart. I subscribe to a fairly libertarian worldview, so if you’re a Filipino male and you get upset that some hypothetical Filipina (presumably one you want to date) is dating this guy, go out there, get your act togeter and GO EARN HER.

    • A.Mabini wrote:

      Ha! I don’t know what to say. Good stuff homie. I’m genuinely interested in the possibility of you writing your thoughts out and posting it on this website. get it done homes.

    • Brian wrote:

      I totally agree with that last part…guys must EARN the woman. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what color of skin you have or what race you are part of (“race” is such a dubious term though. In sociology we learned that “race” is a term that has no technical merit whatsoever except to say that we are all part of the human race…there’s also no such thing as “Filipino blood”, “American blood”, “Mexican blood” etc. There are four major blood types, that’s it). The things that makes a man of value to a woman are universal.

      • M. Gonzales wrote:

        I think a lot of Fil-Am guys have experienced having a crush on a girl or asking a girl out, only to find out that the girl had some categorical dislike for Filipino guys (sometimes explicitly just not wanting to date Filipino men, other times as part of a specific preference for men of a certain demographic…not always white either). I can say for certain it was my first-hand experience over and over, yet I kept believing that I would find the right girl for me, and as deeply “Filipino” as I considered myself, I was convinced that right girl was going to be a Filipina.

        From the moment I noticed girls were different from boys until the day I met the woman that would become my wife, I had doubts about whether someone could see me for me, or whether I would bear the burdens, the negatives that girls normally associated, with my “Filipino”-ness. Here was my response: I worked my butt off in school and at work. I decided to take deep pride in being a good son and brother, a good friend. My pride carries through in the way I dress, the company I keep, and the opinions I have and express. My pride is tempered with humility. Having gone through the years of searching, hoping, and being disappointed, then finally finding that right girl – the one that saw me and gave me credit as a good man, a responsible man, and a proud Filipino man – it makes it more than worth it.

        My message to all the guys out there who get upset when they see a Filipina with a white man. Fight the urge to get too angry. Fight the urge to criticize. BE MORE. I carry this message with me every day. BE MORE. Be better at work. Be a better son. Be a better kuya. Get your butt to the gym, eat well, dress nicely. Be humble and kind and giving. Smile and be proud. Make US proud.

    • Realist wrote:

      Or just go after women of other ethnicities or nationalities if you’re tired of being rejected by Filipinas! This is a globalized age and the world is one big bed. Make it your oyster! :)

    • m. matthews wrote:

      As an none-Filipino-American man I would like to inform you this: There more Filipino women working overseas then Filipino men working overseas. What about Filipino professionals women who came to the USA and married working class and educated class of Filipino men from the Philippines?

      Yes, they went to the Philippine to find a husband. since there not enough Filipino men living in the USA.
      Mind you Sir, that many of those marriages have went by the waist side and wound up in divorce court.

      I have known many American men from all races who are married to Filipino women and most of them are still married to them.

      I have heard tales that some Filipino women told me that they eventfully fallen in love with their husbands as time went by. I asked them why it was so. The answer was, he is a very good husband and father to my children.

      So, I hope will give you some more insight about this issues or questions in mind. I do remain

      Respectfully,

      M. Matthews

  9. Brian wrote:

    “instead of becoming whiter, they ought to spend the time, energy and money to become an advocate for social-economic change in the Philippines.” – I just have to say “whoa”. To become an advocate for socioeconomic change is a huge thing (and a good thing) requiring much time, money, and effort. Becoming whiter is a few minutes dabbing cream on ones face. HUGE difference between the two in terms of time, energy, and money. I say let the Filipinos do both if they wish.

    It’s easy to see that the government has enough problems tackling the tangible (corruption, health care, poverty, law and order, etc)to be expected to take care of the intangible too…especially if that intangible is subject to much debate.

    Overall, now that I really think of it, having lived in the Philippines my entire life, the problem we are discussing (regarding skin color) is not really a serious problem here. Filipinas here buy whitening products but it’s not out of some deep insecurity. Filipino skin color varies, but not in the extremes. Huge differences in skin color (as in really really white vs really really dark) are rather rare among native Filipinos. Poverty is the real problem (and the sense of materialism we inherited from the Americans) that causes Filipinas to marry rich Americans for convenience.

    Again, I just want to reiterate my key points:
    -lots of Filipinos are naturally fair-skinned now. To use whitening products in order to look more like other fair-skinned Filipinos is no more un-Filipino than planting rice.
    -if there’s no controversy regarding Caucasians going to tanning salons and stuff, there should likewise be no controversy with us Filipinos using whitening products.
    -no government power can dictate or even really influence people’s tastes when it comes to who they fancy. To actually spend government resources on such a thing would not only be unnecessary but would also be unfeasible…if not downright preposterous.
    -the value of education and good employment is not lost on Filipinos. Let them apply their whitening creams before going to school if they like. It’s a free country.
    -there are many important aspects of Filipino culture that need changing. The culture of mendicancy, tardiness, disregard for rules and regulations, politics based on personalities and not platforms, the Filipino diaspora and subsequent brain drain, and many others. I just have to say that what we’re discussing here in a relatively minor problem in comparison (except in the regard that women marry old, rich, Americans for money – a phenomenon that has more to do with poverty/materialism than race). Don’t worry about “ethnic cleansing” man. The Filipino will never die out. If enough Filipinos migrate to France and Germany, we’d conquer those nations thru sheer outbreeding…haha.

    • M. wrote:

      Regarding race in the Philippines. White looking Filipinos (men/women), Chinese Filipinos, Spanish looking Filipinos (mestizo) are the majority of TV stars on Filipino channels in the Philippines.

      Dark skin Filipinos have been known to be discriminated for their brown skin and dark complexion, too.

      Its a fact no one born in the Philippine can deny!

      Let cut out the B.S. about so called Filipino women being infatuated with “white Guys.”Most of the Filipinos who married “White Guy” did so becuase, they wanted to get out of the poverty they were living in the Philippines.

      Some have married “White Guy” because, they have chosen to do so on their own accord and not due to poverty.

  10. A.Mabini wrote:

    aw man. you guys are some smart and eloquent dudes. i really hope you guys decide to write something for this website. I’m pretty sure whatever it is, it’ll be a good contribution to the mental progress of Pilipinos all over the world.

    you know what B, i’m convinced of your ideas. I suppose what I was trying to push forward is my belief that the lack of pride, confidence and acceptance of the Pilipino’s natural physique and aptitudes are the “deeply rooted” issues imbedded in our push to become a stronger, united and prosperous (self-sufficient) people. it may seem like a crazy idea but if you can imagine a prouder Pilipino who’s confident and has accepted the fact that he’s Pilipino and no one else, what impact or change would that subsequently mean to our country and our people as a whole? or maybe i’m just a dreamer, but i hope i’m not the only one! haha! im sorry homes, i just couldnt help it! : ) but for real, consider writing something. the websites email addy is, thefilamny@gmail.com

  11. Geraldine wrote:

    I am a Filipina and my boyfriend is white.

    I found this site because I was searching the internet for feedbacks about Filipina women dating Caucasian guys. Sadly, there are only 3 critical issues I have seen online- whoring for money, dating for visa, because white guys have bigger dicks.

    I am not going to deny that a lot of Filipina women back home do go online and find prospective caucasian men to get them out of poverty and help their family. Of course, there is the green card also, etc.

    I met my man online. Before him, I’ve always chosen to date Filipino men. I’ve been married to a Filipino man. Our Filipino culture puts strong emphasis on the guys being the MAN in the house, therefore, women end up taking and doing all household chores. Our culture raised men with that sense of entitlement to being SERVED. After my 2 and 5- years long relationship with Filipinos, and a 6- month marriage to a Filipino- after meeting my current boyfriend, and I hate to generalize but this is my opinion, the same way you were entitled to your post- I never thought I could find someone who can truly make me feel special in every sense. He is caring, sensitive to my needs and that alone makes me want to be my best for him.

    I love my man more than I have ever loved my ex- Filipinos. It’s not for the looks, not for the size of his dick, not for his visa. But it’s because he knows how to value our relationship, respect me and is responsive to my needs. White men just know how to reciprocate what Filipinas are capable of giving for love.

    • Jacky Yang wrote:

      Nice try, but you are way too transparent in your self-racism. You begin by criticizing Filipina for their issues, then go on to make a generalized statement on “white men” based on ONE relationship. Sorry, but I live in America and there are as many white douchebag men as there are ethnic men. Being a douchebag is not relative to race, nor is being a respectable person. Yet, you would have us believe that white men are just racially more sensitive to your needs. Isn’t that the point of this article? That people like you are too blinded by your love for “whiteness” to distinguish truth from fiction? Obviously, you’ve missed the ball on this one.

    • j Allen wrote:

      Exactly Geraldine. :) It’s about being happy and being treated the way you want to be treated. There are “gold-diggers” on every corner of this Earth and there are women who just want a better life because they put their family and future family before their own desires. Then some just want to find that special person. Like you said, it was important to find someone that completed you. Same with me. I dated white women. Some were ok, some weren’t but I never got the same feelings from a white woman’s company that I did from a Filipina, and I’m not attracted to all Asian women either. I actually prefer a lady who’s a little darker, it’s attractive to me, but ultimately, it’s what’s inside that “seals the deal.” This isn’t voting rights, social equality, and discrimination….. it’s love. It’s different and it has a playful and fun friendship angle to it. I always call my lady my “beautiful Filipina Princess” and I do it because she feels so wonderful when I say it and she smiles and I can see here happiness. That’s all that matters to me….. her happiness.

  12. M. Matthews wrote:

    As a man who is married to Filipina, I would like to add my two cent comment about this article.
    I met my wife in New York City over 20 years ago. Before knowing my wife, I have dated Asian women for about 20 years or so becuase, I was attracted to Asian women since meeting one in Rome when I was in my 20’s.

    When I began dating Asian women it was not the norm back in my younger days.
    So, it was for white guys dating black women, too.

    But in the past 20 years or so, it is very common to see “white guys” on the streets of America with Asian women, black women Spanish women.

    Asians women are not infatuated with white guys, period. Those poor Asian women (/Filipino women included) marry white guys (they get married to black guys, Spanish guys, European guys and etc.), becuase, they want a better life for themselves and family.

    White guys get married to Asian women for many reasons: Asian women are more family oriented and more caring then white women. Most white guys who are married to Asian women stay married more likely then white guy being married to a white woman.

    If anyone has a problem with “White Guys” being married to a Filipina or another Asian woman, you got a problem and, not the Filipino or Asian woman who has chosen to be with a “white guy.”

    What do you think or got to add to the mix?

    Would be happy to read your comment about this issue. Well, I have not issue with about this matter(s) in question.

    I support the freedom for people to marry whom ever it may be so!

    • Jacky Yang wrote:

      You’re missing the point: no one has a problem with interracial marriages – we have a problem with stereotypes emasculating ethnic men, while insinuating that white men are somehow more capable as partners. Furthermore, anyone who makes it their mission to marry a certain race/ethnicity is a racist with fetish. You’re no doubt an asiaphile.

      Authentic interracial marriages have little to do with race and more to do with connection. Yet, all we see in these third world countries are mostly “white” sex tourists who take advantage of poor, young women and poor, young women who are blinded by their need for security. How the hell is that considered a partnership?

      At least you’re right about one thing: Asian women are not infatuated with white men. They are infatuated with the idea of wealth, power and independence and white men represent this idea. Unfortunately, this isn’t true at all. Most white men who go overseas to marry these third world women are losers and social outcasts in their own country and must prey on the poor to satisfy their sexual fantasies. This is the reality of it, NOT this noble notion that love is blind.

      • M. Matthews wrote:

        Mr. Yang, Emasculating the black men by white men is that were you get your racial understanding (theory) about emasculating the ethnic men. This just a hog was on your part. Yes, indeed, most of the white guys who visit Asia alone go there for the sexual adventure (do not include all those white businessmen).

        Now let me tell you one fact that you need to keep in mind. Every humane being on earth is a racist to certain degree and, we can not deny it.

        Sir, if a Filipino man makes it his mission to marry a white woman he is also a racist with a fetish.
        Now where do you come with this analogy?

        So, what is your facts to state all of these facts as evidence to all that you claim to be so?

        I like the color Blue. Now you are going to describe me a man with a blue fetish. Sir lets get real and stick to the issue and do not proclaim yourself as some kind of expert on race relations which you are not all.

        I think you personally have a mental grudge against the white Race. And if that may be the case? Its your problem.

  13. J Allen wrote:

    First let me start by saying I agree with you on much of what you are saying. I am a white man and I’m in love with a Philipina lady that I actually met here in the U.S. and not overseas. She had come here to be with her first husband and they eventually divorced because he never really loved her and it was very unhappy for both. For me, I’ve always felt an attraction to Philipina women. It’s something you can’t really explain, it’s simply “you like what you like” and opposites a lot of time do indeed attract. While there are women who get in these relationships for a better life and to “up” their status, many are just looking for love and many do find white men very attractive. I have a neighbor who is a Filipino man who married a white woman. It was what he was attracted to. I do agree that getting in these relationships for advantage is wrong, but not all are doing it for that reason. I don’t think it’s fair to compare this to the KKK or cultural genocide. There will always be Filipina women who will prefer Filipino men. I would be wrong to take the same stand regarding white women being with black men. It’s a very popular interracial pairing in the U.S. I don’t take any threat to it, it’s a choice they make based on what they like. Some work out, some don’t. I’m not worried about the white race disappearing from it because it just won’t happen. Most people still date inside their own race and it likely will always be that way due to societal pressure. I’m not ashamed of how I feel about Filipina women. I feel they are the most beautiful women in the world. I’m very blessed to have one for my lady. Doesn’t mean the relationship works though just because of that, it’s one part of many parts that must work. Of course, we love the idea our children will be bi-racial and beautiful, but she’s not hung-up on them looking white. I actually hope they have strong Filipina features and that they aren’t too white. Either way, we will be happy. While there is much of what you are talking about in this piece going on, it’s not what is always going on. I think you do know that from the tone of the article and like I said, I do agree with many of your points. I do get the jealousy angle too. I don’t exactly go “whoo-hoo” when I see a white woman with another race, but at the same time I realize that different people like what they like and I really have to right to be jealous of it. There are many beautiful people in the world and there is someone for everyone and if you, for example, felt very strongly for white women, I would encourage you to look that way. Never deny yourself what you desire and what you find attractive inside and out. Interracial can add a spice to an already wonderful relationship that is playful and also very pleasing. It’s ironic that may Filipina do feel that white is more attractive then themselves, yet they don’t catch the irony that so many white men desire them for who they are. I’m with you in that Filipino people should be very proud of what they look like and that they are just as beautiful and wonderful as we are. Then we can co-mingle and find happiness together. :)

  14. m. matthews wrote:

    Mr. Allen, I beg to disagree with you about one thing. You sure have a good reason why you are attracted to Filipino women. I do not buy it that it may be hard for you to explain it. Indeed, I respect you own opinion or statement about what you had written in your article.

    M.

    • The author is “spot-on!” Whatever you marry for, whenever that “whatever” runs out (such as money etc), so does the “marriage!” And since MOST Filipinas desert their very own Filipino men for the first blond-hair, blue-eyed Senior Citizen they can pussy-whip, that union will eventually dissolve either by the old man realizing you don’t love him, him finding another love child to manipulate, or him dying of old age and hopefully leaving everything to you while you’re still young and voluptuous. Most Filipinos live through their husbands… “My husband is an Engineer”, while they have zero to offer. but will brag that being a “Stay at Home Mom” is some sort of status symbol to symbolize the spouse makes such an impressive amount of income that she doesn’t have to work, and is thus a “Stay at Home Mom!” Idiocy! Last 2 years I made $250,000 between my military retirement and my occupation as a govt worker in Iraq. Does that mean my wife stays at home? Hell no! This is a partnership! Most Filipina “stay at home Moms” are either too uneducated to work or are simply lazy. These “ECs” are so embarrassing that they make me wanna vomit whenever I see them in action… Don’t get me wrong, being of African descent mixed with Irish and Native American heritage, I’m not racist, as my family reunion more closely resembles a United Nations convention. I just hate seeing the 3rd World self-indignified confused Filipino people of color being so infatuated by skin color versus character. So much that they’d give their lives to hook-up with some sexual predator in Pampanga for survival just as long as he was white. Marry for love, not to try to birth the ethnicity out of your off-spring… Filipina “ECs” are simply “sell-out” Asian jezebels that abandon their own Filipino men for the first white thing they see… Not my asawa tho! She loves her African-American stud, and every time we turn-off the lights, I remind my ridiculously magunda asawa why “once you go Black, you never go back!” Salamat-Po! ;)

      • J Allen wrote:

        True American Patriot, you are stereotyping and entire group of women as being all the same. There are “gold-diggers” in every culture and every race around the world. You need look no further than all the young “often white” broads that end up “draped” all over rich men and celebrities. It’s a fact of life and not all filipina women do this. I personally know 4 white men/filipina woman couples (not even counting myself) who are in very good marriages and in 3 out of the 4 the woman is working and none of them are “rolling in money.”

        Also, there is a difference between respect for each other as human beings by not seeing color or race, but at the same time “romance” and attraction are a different story. There’s nothing at all wrong with having attraction to a certain look, race, features, etc. It’s totally natural and spices up the love life. Opposites do attract for many people and this is no different for me with regards to my filipina princess. :)

        Stereotyping filipina women as gold-diggers (albeit, there are some that do this) and the white men who like them as desperate or all “old men” is just total “broad-brushing.”

        Typically many of the ones that cry “racism” for liking someone of a certain race or culture will be the first to be “exclusive” to their own race also based on having preference based on race. Either that or they take the “high horse” position that they are somehow beyond all that by “not caring” what race they are. In that case, they are usually not totally honest about that and they will discriminate based on other things such as weight, how cute they see them, or other physical characteristics.

        At the end of the day when it comes to love, just do what makes you happy and content.

      • m. matthews wrote:

        I read your reply and I like what I have read. Now for those who want to know this: “Gold Diggers come in every shape, race, color and nationality. So, lets stop bashing Filipino women. And lets stop bashing Filipino women to whom they get married to for whatever reason it may be so.

        This matters is no one business. When an adult is over 21 year-old it hi/her choice in what they want to do with their lives.

  15. Bjorn Karlman wrote:

    Thanks for the in-depth treatment of this topic. I was always puzzled by of these odd pairings as I spotted them growing up in the Philippines as a Swede. I later married an LA Filipina and sometimes wonder how we come across… we definitely married for love.

    http://culturemutt.com/9-things-about-hot-filipina-girls-that-get-with-ugly-white-men

  16. Mr Yang stated:

    “You’re missing the point: no one has a problem with interracial marriages – we have a problem with stereotypes emasculating ethnic men, while insinuating that white men are somehow more capable as partners. Furthermore, anyone who makes it their mission to marry a certain race/ethnicity is a racist with fetish. You’re no doubt an asiaphile.

    Authentic interracial marriages have little to do with race and more to do with connection. Yet, all we see in these third world countries are mostly “white” sex tourists who take advantage of poor, young women and poor, young women who are blinded by their need for security. How the hell is that considered a partnership?

    At least you’re right about one thing: Asian women are not infatuated with white men. They are infatuated with the idea of wealth, power and independence and white men represent this idea. Unfortunately, this isn’t true at all. Most white men who go overseas to marry these third world women are losers and social outcasts in their own country and must prey on the poor to satisfy their sexual fantasies. This is the reality of it, NOT this noble notion that love is blind.”

    I agree with some of what you said, but to be honest, and I hate to sound sexist, but I married my Pinay asawa because she had a phat ass! ;) I’m being honest! I never ever had any intention of marrying an Asian woman, but the first thing I ever saw of my wife was her small waist and curvy voluptuous rear-end! I assumed her face would be dog-ugly when she turned around because there’s no way her fce matched her body! She turned and faced me and I almost fainted! She had the face of an angel and the body of a demon! from that point, I’d seen enough women on planet Earth and was convinced this was the #1 beauty on the planet… I couldn’t take my eyes off her from then on! Love to see her come and loved to see her go too! ;) And “racism” by definition means “considering your racial/ethnic stock is greater than another!” A person’s predisposed preference of a mate of another races doesn’t make them “racist” by definition. That is their preference. I prefer a woman with a phat ass and slim waist. The “face of a goddess and super thick (non-dyed) dark hair” are all just bonuses! ;)

    Color is secondary, of which I prefer black first, then caramel much like the sexy tanned color of Hawaiian women. I’d give a million dollars for my wife to have darker skin! ;)

  17. M. Matthews wrote:

    I have read some of the comments and some of them are OK. I have no problem with the opinions expressed by all of you. There no need to be jealous or mad, or angry in so far as Filipino marrying anybody on this planet earth other than Filipino man, period.

    Whom ever a Filipinia woman married is her own business or choice. So, lets cut all the B.S. about this blame games on anybody.

    I married my wife by choice. She did not force me to marry her nor I did so.
    She did not gave me 6 months to marry her like a Chinese woman I was dating.
    All she wanted to get marry in the hurry to obtain her green card.

  18. anita wrote:

    Not only Filipinas but also some Asian women.

  19. Rosemarie A. wrote:

    Interesting exchange here.

  20. donna wrote:

    Novel work.

  21. stephanie r. wrote:

    Hi fashionable website.

  22. Dan the Lucky wrote:

    White guy married to a Philippine American lady, here. She’s three years younger than me, we have one son and we’re both employed in skilled occupations. In her younger days, she dated Filipino guys, but every one of them treated her badly. Most were so hung upon the macho aspects of their culture/upbringing, that they couldn’t stay faithful. So she chose to cast a wider net, and I was the second guy she caught. Maswerte na ako. Plus, it’s hard to find a white girl who can cook a good afritada. :)

  23. Jim Ingebretsen wrote:

    Great comments. I live here in Makati

  24. Carmen wrote:

    It’s true that a lot of Filipinas are infatuated with mixed-White children. The media and entertainment industry in the Philippines have a lot to do with this. Seriously, soooooo many Filipino celebrities are mixed with White. It’s almost like if you’re mixed with White, you will get your foot in the door in the industry. There are also so many half-White/half-Filipino pageant winners. It’s hard for Filipino women not to look at themselves and feel inferior if they are surrounded by this stuff and by this idea of beauty.

    Also, those comments saying that Filipinas only marry White guys because they want to get out of poverty are nonsense. Because there are tons of Filipinas in the US who marry White guys. I highly doubt Filipinas who are born/grew up in the USA are anywhere near as poor as those in the Philippines. In fact, I always assume that whenever I see a Filipina-American woman, her husband or boyfriend is going to be White. And I’m almost always right..I’d like to say about 90% of the time or more! Yes, it has gone to that stage here. I’d like to say that in the U.S., more Filipinas marry White guys than Filipino men. I’ve lived in various populous cities in California and that’s what I’ve noticed.

    Poverty may be the case for many, but a lot also marry White guys…because they are infatuated not necessarily with White guys, but with half-White children.

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